What does CARP have to do with managing anger?

So firstly I should clarify that I am not talking about the fish species, carp. Rather, CARP is an acronym that explains a method of anger management developed by Robert Bacal. The aim of CARP is to help complaint handlers, or anyone who deals with cranky people, to defuse complainant anger and refocus them on resolving their issue. So I know you're all dying to know ... what does CARP stand for?


Control

This is about getting the complainant to stop and listen. You need to let them know that their anger is not going to control you or your interaction with them. Be assertive, but not aggressive or passive.


Acknowledge

Deal with their feelings first. It's important that the complainant knows that you empathise with their emotional state of mind and situation. Where it will not encourage unreasonable complainant conduct, give them an opportunity to let off steam and vent their emotions. Venting can help them feel like they are being listened to and understood.

Venting should be timely, usually not lasting more than two to five minutes. The complainant should be able to settle down and discuss their matter in a calm manner after being given such an opportunity.

Echo what they are telling you to show that you are listening. This usually involves repeating the last few words or their key words. This can be done by backtracking (e.g. 'so you are saying ...') or paraphrasing (ie defining what you believe they said and meant).


Refocus

Make the transition from their emotions to their issues of complaint by refocusing the conversation. Ask questions about facts and repeat the complainant's issues in your own words.


Problem Solve

This is about getting down to business - telling the complainant what can and cannot be done, what will and will not happen, and focus on possible solutions to their issues.


I hope this is helpful to all of you who have to deal with complainant anger!

A point to note: the order of CARP is very important. It's particularly important to leave problem solving to the end. If you try to problem solve or refocus too quickly you are likely to find yourself explaining the same thing over and over again, because the complainant will persist in wanting to explain their story. If this happens, go back to acknowledging their feelings and emotions and work your way back down the acronym!

If you would like some more information on CARP, click here.

Eight critical mistakes in negotiation

The Marana Consulting Group, in partnership with the Institute of Public Administration Australia NSW, has identified eight critical mistakes that are commonly made in negotiations.

Interestingly, several of these mistakes are the reverse image of Howard Raiffa’s 34 characteristics of an effective negotiator. For example, Raiffa cites planning and preparation as the number one characteristic of a successful negotiator and here, inadequate preparation is listed as the #1 critical mistake that can be made.

‘Talking too much and listening too little’ and ‘impatience’ are listed as critical mistakes while Raiffa lists ‘patience’ and ‘listening skill’ in the top 10 of his effective negotiator characteristics.

The two lists definitely highlight some common characteristics to employ and some to avoid the next time you enter into a negotiation.


Eight critical mistakes in negotiation

1.       Inadequate preparation

Preparation provides a good picture of your options and allows for planned flexibility at the crunch points.

 

2.       Ignoring the Give/Get principle

Each party needs to conclude the negotiation feeling something has been gained. 

3.       Use of intimidating behaviour

Research shows that the tougher the tactics, the tougher the resistance. Persuasiveness not dominance makes for a more effective outcome.

4.       Impatience

Give ideas and proposals time to work. Don’t rush things; patience pays.

5.       Loss of temper

Strong negative emotions are a deterrent to developing a co-operative environment and creating solutions

6.       Talking too much and listening too little

“If you love to listen, you will gain knowledge, and if you incline your ear, you will become wise.” – Sirach

7.       Arguing instead of influencing

Your position can be best explained by education, not stubbornness.

8.       Ignoring conflict

Conflict is the substance of negotiation. Learn to accept and resolve it, not avoid it.

To read the complete list of Howard Raiffa’s 34 characteristics of an effective negotiator click here.

To find out more about the training courses offered by the Institute of Public Administration Australia click here.

Hugh Mackay’s 10 Laws of Communication

In his book, The Good Listener, Hugh Mackay outlines 10 Laws of Communication. He highlights that people are more likely to listen to what you’re saying if the subject interests them or is something that is directly relevant to their circumstances. That a bit of a no brainer in my opinion.

Another point Mackay makes is that people are more likely to listen to you if you first listen to them. While this seems obvious, it’s an easy notion to forget. If we don’t demonstrate that we are equally interested in what the other party to the discussion is saying, they’re likely to dismiss both us and our comments.

For your review ….

The 10 Laws of Communication:

1.     It is what the listener does with our message that determines our success as communicators.

2.     Listeners interpret messages in ways which make them feel comfortable and secure.

3.     When people’s attitudes are attacked head-on, they are likely to defend those attitudes and, in the process, reinforce them.

4.     People pay most attention to messages which are relevant to their own circumstances and point of view.

5.     People who feel insecure in a relationship are unlikely to be good listeners.

6.     People are more likely to listen if we listen to them.

7.     People are more likely to change in response to a combination of new experience and communication than in response to communication alone.

8.     People are more likely to support a change which affects them if they are consulted before the change is made.

9.     The message in what is said will be interpreted in the light of how, when, where and by whom it is said.

10.  Lack of self-knowledge and an unwillingness to resolve our own internal conflicts make it harder for us to communicate with other people.