What does CARP have to do with managing anger?

So firstly I should clarify that I am not talking about the fish species, carp. Rather, CARP is an acronym that explains a method of anger management developed by Robert Bacal. The aim of CARP is to help complaint handlers, or anyone who deals with cranky people, to defuse complainant anger and refocus them on resolving their issue. So I know you're all dying to know ... what does CARP stand for?


Control

This is about getting the complainant to stop and listen. You need to let them know that their anger is not going to control you or your interaction with them. Be assertive, but not aggressive or passive.


Acknowledge

Deal with their feelings first. It's important that the complainant knows that you empathise with their emotional state of mind and situation. Where it will not encourage unreasonable complainant conduct, give them an opportunity to let off steam and vent their emotions. Venting can help them feel like they are being listened to and understood.

Venting should be timely, usually not lasting more than two to five minutes. The complainant should be able to settle down and discuss their matter in a calm manner after being given such an opportunity.

Echo what they are telling you to show that you are listening. This usually involves repeating the last few words or their key words. This can be done by backtracking (e.g. 'so you are saying ...') or paraphrasing (ie defining what you believe they said and meant).


Refocus

Make the transition from their emotions to their issues of complaint by refocusing the conversation. Ask questions about facts and repeat the complainant's issues in your own words.


Problem Solve

This is about getting down to business - telling the complainant what can and cannot be done, what will and will not happen, and focus on possible solutions to their issues.


I hope this is helpful to all of you who have to deal with complainant anger!

A point to note: the order of CARP is very important. It's particularly important to leave problem solving to the end. If you try to problem solve or refocus too quickly you are likely to find yourself explaining the same thing over and over again, because the complainant will persist in wanting to explain their story. If this happens, go back to acknowledging their feelings and emotions and work your way back down the acronym!

If you would like some more information on CARP, click here.

Tips for difficult telephone discussions

At one point or another, all of us have had to have a difficult telephone discussion. Those that work in the complaint handling realm are likely to have these discussions on a daily, if not hourly basis. So what are some tips to help make those difficult discussions as easy as possible? Well, as seems to be a continuing theme on this blog, planning and preparation are key. If you practice what you intend to say and make bullet points of the key points, this will help you to stay focused and keep the discussion on track if things become a bit heated.

Remaining calm and staying patient are also key to the success of the discussion. Where possible try to distance yourself and your emotions from the subject. In the case of complaint handling, the person delivering the bad news is usually the independent complaint handler so ditch feeling guilty when you have to deliver bad news – a review has been completed and an outcome found. If due process has been followed there is no need to feel guilty about the outcome.

Another hot tip is to check what the other person has heard. While you may think that you have delivered a beautifully phrased outcome, the other party may have misinterpreted what you have said. Checking for understanding is an often over-looked but very important step in handling difficult telephone discussions.

Some more tips for your review ….

Tips for difficult telephone discussions

·         Prepare for the discussion

·         Make some bullet points of what you want to achieve in the discussion and keep it nearby

·         Do a quick relaxation technique before you start

·         Be polite and patient

·         Breathe

·         Employ the broken record technique – keep saying what they are not hearing until they do

·         Check for understanding (e.g. What is your understanding of what I’ve just said?)

·         Collaborate (e.g Do you have any suggestions as to how this could work?)

·        If the discussion becomes abusive or threatening, ask them to desist, come back to the point and try again

·         If the abuse continues, end the call politely and calmly with an offer to try again later

·         Debrief with a friend/ colleague or superior.

Hugh Mackay’s 10 Laws of Communication

In his book, The Good Listener, Hugh Mackay outlines 10 Laws of Communication. He highlights that people are more likely to listen to what you’re saying if the subject interests them or is something that is directly relevant to their circumstances. That a bit of a no brainer in my opinion.

Another point Mackay makes is that people are more likely to listen to you if you first listen to them. While this seems obvious, it’s an easy notion to forget. If we don’t demonstrate that we are equally interested in what the other party to the discussion is saying, they’re likely to dismiss both us and our comments.

For your review ….

The 10 Laws of Communication:

1.     It is what the listener does with our message that determines our success as communicators.

2.     Listeners interpret messages in ways which make them feel comfortable and secure.

3.     When people’s attitudes are attacked head-on, they are likely to defend those attitudes and, in the process, reinforce them.

4.     People pay most attention to messages which are relevant to their own circumstances and point of view.

5.     People who feel insecure in a relationship are unlikely to be good listeners.

6.     People are more likely to listen if we listen to them.

7.     People are more likely to change in response to a combination of new experience and communication than in response to communication alone.

8.     People are more likely to support a change which affects them if they are consulted before the change is made.

9.     The message in what is said will be interpreted in the light of how, when, where and by whom it is said.

10.  Lack of self-knowledge and an unwillingness to resolve our own internal conflicts make it harder for us to communicate with other people.